Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My pussy is not your playground.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
