Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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