And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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