so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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