Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
