Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
