something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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