the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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