There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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