We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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