the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
