We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
