Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
