Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
