Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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