Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
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We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.