Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset