I cut my penus on the lid.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
