He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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