Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize