Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
