Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
