finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize