so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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