Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
