so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
