Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
