like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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