She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
