U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
