glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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