Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
