Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
