I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
