Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
