Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
