Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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