Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
