OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
