moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
