If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
