I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
