I'm lost and stupid without you.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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