A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
