Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
