drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
