So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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