well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
