I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
