accomplished twins. life is a go
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
