So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize