wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
