It was confusing and full of hummus
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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