smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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