So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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