Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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