I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
