you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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