Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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