i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
