Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
