I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
