Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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