omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
