Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
