I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
