I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize