She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
